Faith. You know, that magical unforeseen sense to throw caution to the wind and just push ahead not truly knowing the outcome? We have faith every day when we wake up and breathe the air we breathe. We can’t see it but we have faith that it’s there. So, why is it so difficult for some of us to have faith in the one person who really hasn’t let you down? You and well, your team-your spirit guides- your higher source- God. They have faith in us, they encourage you every day, you know with those gentle nudges …..they have faith that you will make the right decisions. Sure, sometimes we don’t listen and then we must endure one hefty damn lesson. Eventually, we get it. Eventually, we tune in and then things flow the way they were intended.
Lately, I’ve been hearing the same statement, “What you did took courage”. Yes, leaving practically everything I had and leaving my husband did take courage. It took blind faith. I could have crashed and burned, I could have stayed succumbing once again to his mental head games, but I left. I knew I had to move away from the situation that I was in or else the person I know of myself to be would just disappear, I would become just a shell of a person and I wasn’t going to allow that to happen. HELL NO. The man I saw everyday wasn’t the same man that promised me a lifetime of love and happiness. Shit, I would have taken loyalty and trust over happiness…..but it came down to having faith and listening to my gut. I could have saved myself 4 years of pain if I only listened to spirit. Days leading up to moving from California to Arkansas, instead of feeling happy, I felt dread. Somewhere deep in my gut I knew I shouldn’t marry this man. Deep in my gut I was being told that he would break me if I went. “He’ll break you” the whispered voice said.
I made every excuse, convincing myself that it was just cold feet, that change is scary……but it wasn’t until I was smacked dab in the situation and truths were unraveling that I knew. I knew spirit was right. When I laid on the bathroom floor, tears falling, while the man I loved stood over me screaming at me, telling me to get the fuck out because I couldn’t seem to grasp how important it was to park the car at a certain angle or do things HIS way. I knew. The deceit, the pain. In truth, he did break me. Spirit was right.
The how’s of moving and the what ifs plagued my thoughts and of course the lack of funds scared the fucking hell out of me. But opportunities opened up, I was offered a room to stay ….. in 24 hours of making my decision to leave… my boss was able to get me transferred, friends and close family rallied behind me, when I wanted to just give up an inner strength I didn’t know I had just kept me going. Sure, it hasn’t been easy. Life never is….but I tell you what, I’m no longer walking on egg shells. I no longer care about his truths or lies and you know what, I can park anyway I damn well want and my roommate doesn’t say one damn thing!
But through all this, I’ve found the ability just to quiet myself and reconnect with spirit. Part of me has a feeling that they are sitting back and saying “we told you so but see, you’re stronger now”
I’m ready to show the world who I am, stop holding back. No longer will I have someone place demands on me and my dreams. No longer will I have conform to an illusion of one person, I’m not going to be placed into any one box….I am going to be who I am. If you don’t like it, well move along. I’m me…….I’ll be your friend until you cross me. My faith in spirit has grown but my faith in man, well….that needs work. It will take time and some blind faith to trust people and their true intentions but until then, I will laugh. I will cry in private, I will write, I will speak my truth and most importantly I will be the best version of me.
I know now that I have the best kick ass team standing beside me and I owe them my gratitude, loyalty and faith.
I answer to no one.
It’s been freeing since he left. To shed my exterior……to let my armor fall, to exhale and slowly breathe. Now I can just be… inside these walls.
Playing in the background is the sound of enchanting exotic music; I daydream.….getting lost behind each note, falling deeper and deeper into the abyss. I want nothing more to just stay here…in this place where I can roam free, free of judgement and responsibilities. To be what my soul calls me to be. To love and to be loved. To feel. To nurture. To inspire. To listen.
I dive deeper into my subconscious weaving through the darkness only to find myself in the most breathtaking heavenly places, exploring unchartered magnificent lands, breathing in the sweet intoxicating aromas of the forests to the salty ocean air. I welcome the ocean breeze against my face. Time doesn’t exist here ….I listen to the faint whispers of the heavens, I feel comfort from its loving embrace and for a brief moment that’s when I feel his hand graze my shoulder and twirl a lock of my auburn hair through his fingers. I close my eyes hoping to hear his voice but my heart knows that it’s just an enigma, a silent wish of a love that once was….or maybe never was at all.
The change of the music brings me back… A Haunted Past.
An evening out with my girlfriends always brings many bottles of wine, great conversation, hours of laughter and on this particular night ….. it brought insight to a topic that is more common than we would like to admit. The lies men say just to satisfy their one-eyed weasel and why we, believe them.
“Gurrrrrrl I was knee-deep in my own steamy romance novel, the smut was playing out right in front of my eyes and I was its lead character. There I was, lost in his blue eyes…. he took my face in his hands and said “Love, don’t you ever change!”, HOOKED, just like that!
If I knew what I knew now about that lying sob, I would have said “How bout, don’t YOU EVER fucking change” and like the Titanic I should have let his hands go right then and let his ass DROWN. Damn right, I could have rowed my own ass to shore.
A roar of laughter was heard around the table along with the clink of glasses. I loved Savannah….her sassy southern wit and off the wall sayings just had me in stitches. No man was safe if they wronged her, ohhhh hell no…..I pity the fool who messed with her.
That’s when Sarah grabbed her phone and read lines from text messages that she received from an old boyfriend who had been trying to win her back “I’m a changed man. I haven’t dated anyone for three years. My heart belongs to only you. I still have things in this house that remind me of you. You’re my soul mate and I know in my heart we will grow old together” Sure, the use of the S word made her physically ill, she didn’t believe in soul mates… but she also knew among the half ass omission of his love for her that he was full of it. Yes, his pitiful omission and regret for his past actions was borderline believable but his childish sexual banter was so off-putting it only brought back memories of his typical lines he’d not only use on her but several of his women friends.
“The douche bag was feeding me lines all the while was on the cusp of a relationship, could you believe that” flipping her phone around and showing a picture of the two love birds.
“Is that his mother?” Emily chimed.
“Uhm, no” she scoffed “it’s not like I even considered going back to him. It’s that I believed that he was actually truly sorry for his actions in the past and I forgave him and you all know I don’t FORGIVE any of the assholes who took part in making me the jaded-man hating bitch that I am today. I thought he turned a new leaf and became somewhat human. Nope. Hey Leslie, do you have a warty shrinking penis spell in your book of shadows?”
“You know I do, or something close. I will check tomorrow. I should make a list……looks like a lot of men will get what they deserve come the full moon in a couple of days”
“Here is a good one” all attention turned to Georgia. A few months ago Howard had the nerve to say “I cannot go any longer. I have to have it NOW. You do realize that there is vagina EVERYWHERE” I shot him a look and said “you are a vagina” and walked away.
“Good for you” I said “He has a hand, he can use it”
As we shared our favorite one liners heard from the ghosts of our boyfriend/husband past , it was quite disheartening to hear all the accounts of men who would say and do about almost anything just to get into a girls pants or worse, down in the depths of her soul where she gave glimpses of her vulnerability.
“It’s those so-called lines/lies that they use just so they can wet their poor excuse of a gherkin” Emily spouted off.
Taking a swig of my wine, I interjected….the worst line I’ve heard, besides I love you is “I’m in the middle of a divorce” They talk about how awful and neglectful their spouse was, leading you to believe that she is related to Beelzebub. It’s not until you remove the blindfold many months later and start putting the pieces together and realize that it was all a lie….every last word, every last moment was a lie. but once a cheater always a cheater and from what I hear……. I wasn’t the only one.
Lorelei leaned in, “Well, here’s one …. “I’m not married, I’m separated” In fact, he was married, had two kids with one on the way, and his wife was planning a ceremony for them to renew their vows after she had given birth”
“What.An.Ass” Dawn said with a wine induced slur while raising her glass in the air singling the waitress for another glass “How about this one. A man asks me out on a date, picks me up in his car and I see a few cd’s on the dashboard – Britney Spears and The Les Miserables soundtrack. He told me that they belonged to his sister. Turns out, they belonged to his girlfriend, as did the car he picked me up in!!”
“I am so fed up with the dating scene, the worst one is when they claim to be done with the dating bullshit and are not interested in a one night stand. You remember, Mark right? I slept with him after a month and then BAM, he changed his phone number the next day. He was a long-term friend up until that point and we have never spoken again” Mellie shared as she took a sip of her martini.
Look at us, we are intelligent, amazing, beautiful women …. why are we even falling for this shit? didn’t we learn enough in our late twenties to spot an asshole mile away or do we truly believe that we will find our happily ever after just like in the books that we read or write! Couldn’t we be our own hero and these men we bring into our lives be the lazy sidekick that gets abducted by the crazy sexy villain?
“Well, I’m not quite sure if a memo went out through the ball and chain network but my husband has this wild idea that if he buys me wine or cleans the house that that equals sex. He may get a blow job but sex requires me to take my pants off and I have a lot of shit to do! and hearing “Just the tip, I swear” is just going to get him the go to hell look. It’s never JUST the fucking tip!”
“Cheers to THAT!” we said in unison.
“Hey did you know that there are 174 ways to call a penis and gherkin isn’t even listed? I bet a man wrote this list” Emily stared into her phone.
“Heat seeking venomous throbbing python of love – netherrod- yogurt shotgun-moisture missile-sebastianic sword- mushroom head….yeah that’s more like it, I was with a guy whose member was smaller than my index finger FULLY erect”
Well, I guess there it is ……. if they can lie about the size of their pied piper than they can lie to us and spout off “I love you’s, you’re the only one, damn your ass looks bangin in those jeans, until the cows come home. We just have to be wise to their intent and let them work for our prized petunia a little bit more.
With that …… it’s time to go home and go to bed!
Good night ladies
*names have been changed to protect my rowdy bunch of lovable misfits, you will never know whose story is whose….girl code*
I knew you were near, but I got lost within the words of Beethoven….
“Be calm – love me – today – yesterday – what tearful longings for you – you – you – my life – my all – farewell.
Oh continue to love me – never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.
I held the book to my heart and breathed in the scent of the old worn pages.
“My Angel, it’s getting late”
I felt his breath on the back of my neck, which sent shivers coursing throughout my body, his hand resting gently on my hip. I savored the moment, the sweet intoxicating smell of him, the roughness of his beard against my cheek, I could feel his uneven breath on my neck as he held me close. I settled back, enjoying the feel of his body against me. His hardness growing, sending my pulse racing.
“I’ve been watching you” he whispered “You looked so peaceful, you were someplace else, in a different time, I wanted nothing more than to tear that book from your hands and explore every inch of your body, but I waited. Patiently, I waited”, he pulled a strand of hair away from my shoulder and kissed my skin.
The heat between us was intoxicating. He turned me to face him, the look of longing and passion showed through his dark eyes. His hand gently caressed my cheek….I rose up on the tips of my toes so that my lips could meet his. The energy behind our kiss was one of hunger and desire; our hands exploring one another. The mere touch of his hands sent a warm shiver through my body as his lips seared a path down my neck and shoulders leaving me aching for more.
I couldn’t take my eyes off him, his magnetism was so potent, my hands ran over his broad shoulders and down his chest. I unbuttoned his shirt…my hands roaming intimately and gently kissing his chest.
“My love, I need you” I whispered.
He removed his shirt and placed it on the ground, slowly lowering us both on top of it. We took our time to explore, to arouse, and to give each other pleasure. His lips brushed my nipples, sending a small moan escaping from my lips. His strong hands explored the soft lines of my back, my waist, and my hips. My skirt crept up onto my thighs as I lowered myself onto his beautiful, hard shaft. The pure pleasure of our bodies becoming one seared itself into our soul. Skin to skin we were one. Our touch sent us to even higher levels of ecstasy. Together our bodies were in perfect harmony, contentment and peace flowed between us until we exploded in a downpour of fiery sensations.
I wanted to cry out in pleasure but his mouth met mine, our hands gripping one another as we both came together.
My body melted against his; surrendering completely into his embrace.
written by Jolene Cecil
While scrolling Twitter I came across a tweet by one of my favorite bloggers who posed a question in regards to an article that she had read “I Decided to Become a ‘Submissive’ Wife—Without Telling My Husband”, amused I clicked on it and began reading.
See, I thought being on the cusp of the new Fifty Shades movie it would dive into a world of being a submissive wife in the bedroom while her husband called all the kinky shots.
I was wrong.
The writer spoke about how she did a little experiment of her very own after watching The Submissive Wives’ Guide to Marriage, on TLC. Shit, why didn’t I know about this show? Sure, I’ve been a little preoccupied lately with moving to a new city, work and watching season three of Game of Thrones but if we are being honest here, the title of the show has left me a bit intrigued and yet highly annoyed because I’ve been that submissive doting wife/girlfriend and all it did was create a rift and one hell of a “Go do it yourself then” attitude.
While my thoughts/opinions began to form in my head only bringing back not so pleasant memories. I sought out my lovely, wise and sarcastic bunch of friends to find out what they thought about said article and trust me, they didn’t disappoint. They never do, that’s why I love them so much.
Gotta love FaceTime/Skype
But before I go on, don’t get me wrong the article was lovely and I’m glad it worked for her but again it takes two to make a marriage (relationship) work, in any partnership there is compromise but for the most part there is love, loyalty and respect. Without that, You.Have.Nothing.
The first step in her submissive wife experiment was to :
Physically greet my husband at the door when he gets home from work, with a smile and a kiss. Or at least a great attitude.
I’ve done this, I mean come on …… I married the major. This was a dream come true. I was proud to be his wife, so when he would come home there I was greeting him at the door with a smile and a kiss….. but those greetings slowly seized and on Valentine’s Day after spending hours primping and stuffing my wobbly bits into lace and a corset I waited for his arrival. I was ready to pounce on my man and show him how much I appreciated him. Well, he came home, looked at me in my little lacy get up, kissed me and proceeded to walk past me and into the kitchen where he made his coffee and just ignored any effort that I had made to make his arrival beyond pleasant. Ignored. Unimportant. Alone. Those are the feelings that I got when I made the effort to make my husband feel like he was wanted. I felt sadness consume me, but I pushed it aside…..and tried again and again on many different occasion. Until I was sick of the rejection from the one man I held high on a pedestal for many many years. (See that’s where I made the mistake, a man should never be put on a pedestal….only God, YOUR God)
“Ohh, Jolene you remember when I was dating Mark” Lacey interrupted, “I adored this man, thought he was my soulmate…now, stop rolling your eyes”
Mark and Lacey were together for a few years and could have made it if it wasn’t for the big stick that was lodged up Marks ass.
“I took care of him, his family and his home….I jumped into the role of this submissive girlfriend. Doing things for him just to make him happy, to ease his stresses, hell I was on my hands and knees cleaning his stupid white floors…..when have you EVER known me to do such a thing? I greeted him at the door, and sometimes the driveway. I was excited to see him. Sure he was only gone for 8 hours but this man was just everything to me…….but then I noticed that he would get annoyed quickly once he walked through the door and when I asked he told me that he didn’t like it when I was there to welcome him. He needed some time to unwind. I respected his wishes and never again greeted him at the door. But I continued to do things for him, because I loved him. When he went into the Fire Academy I made certain his stress load was even less, I spent all day prepping his meals and had them ready for him to take with him for the week. I helped him prepare for tests, I watched over his home. I even took a CPR class with him so he didn’t have to go by himself. But no matter the kindness and love that I showed him, what I got in return was disloyalty. He couldn’t keep his dick in his pants. He didn’t want a nice girl who loved and adored him. He wanted a whore.”
“Don’t they always” I chimed in.
“After my relationship with Mark went south I found that i didn’t want to put in the effort to go the extra mile. What for? being loving and nurturing to someone I loved just got thrown by the wayside.”
The second on her list was : Hold back when I want to direct my husband
“It seems like a logical thing but that’s not how life and relationships work. I feel like I hold back my nagging sometimes from Charles or don’t remind him to do something and when I don’t say anything, yes sometimes it’s done right and sometimes it isn’t. Plus, No way I have time to pet his sweet ego when I’m doing everything around the house, geez he can get up and get his own damn drink!” Liza said while taking a sip of wine with one hand and feeding the twins with the other. Multitasking at its best.
I couldn’t ask the major to do something, most of the time if I wanted something done I had to do it myself or wait days …even months. He would do it on his time. Granted when he wanted me to do something I had to drop what I was doing and shuffle off to Home Depot or the gas station to get what he needed, regardless of what I was doing.
I stopped asking for a picture to be hung in my office, he’d acknowledge that it needed to be hung but something always came up…….something more important then me, his wife. It was either a bike trip, errands with his daughter or some interesting show on t.v. So the picture laid on the back of the couch for 7 months and a window seat laid in pieces waiting to be put together, a constant reminder of a project that he started but never finished, again other things were more important. The lack of directing my husband got me nowhere. Sure the window seat was finally put together by a team of my girlfriends and the picture I sold (didn’t want that reminder of being the low man on the totem pole) but I learned that other things took precedent over me, nagging or not.
If you are a bookaholic like I am, your life is consumed with books….you look forward to your favorite authors new releases or reading the next book on your TBR (to be read) list. Girls night out no longer consists of hanging out at a seedy bar fawning over some bar fly looking for his next lay, but now it’s filled with gatherings at the local coffee shops and talking about our latest book hangover and spending hours and hours talking about what we just read never really fully giving up the ending…………….and why is that? because we don’t want to spoil it for our fellow bookaholics. So my question to you is, if you aren’t willing to spoil an ending for a must read to your friend then why are you willing to vomit the whole story on a review in Amazon, Goodreads or Barnes and Noble? (Click to continue reading)
So You Wrote a Book…Now What? A guide to self-publishing by The Book Garden PR
You’ve slaved hours over the keyboard, until your fingers are numb. Putting parts of your soul into your characters to write the perfect story. Well unfortunately you can be an amazing writer but unless you know how to promote it, your words will fall into the ever growing slush pile.
People need be able to relate with the author as well as the characters. You can’t expect the readers to seek you out. It’s YOUR responsibility to find them. So how might one accomplish such a feat? Well in today’s time, there is this amazing thing called social media. Sure you might have already established a Facebook or Twitter account but are you utilizing it to its full potential? (Read More)
With any career that you go into, there is a point when you find yourself saying “SHIT, I wish someone would have warned me”….. and in the world of self-publishing there are many trial and errors, many moments of “Why didn’t anyone tell me” or just bad experiences, but with each wrong turn or slight misstep there is a lesson to be learned.
I asked eight authors to name one thing that they wished someone would have informed them about the world of book publishing and the Indie publishing circle. This is what they had to say. I hope you enjoy their pieces of advice. (Read More)
I’ve been on Twitter for a while now, and I find that it is a great source of traffic for my posts. However, I am discovering that there is also an incredible community for bloggers available through the use of hashtags, retweet accounts and chats that cater for every niche.
Hashtags are labels that allow potential readers to find posts and content within a specific theme. On Twitter, there are endless hashtags that can be used, depending on the theme of your post, but there are a number of specific tags that I have found to be particularly useful, and use on a regular basis. (Read More)
If you’re anything like me, once you have finished a book that has left you with one heck of a major book hangover, you want to climb the tallest mountain and shout “OMG YOU HAVE TO READ THIS BOOK!!” Ok, maybe NOT climb the tallest mountain, more like drive to your local book store, tell a few strangers about the “must read” book that they need to buy or bore your non Bookaholic friends
into submission and tell them all about the incredible book you have just finished and once you’re done with that…… you tweet and Facebook the heck out of it and post your review on Amazon, Barnes and Noble and Goodreads.
For myself, I wanted to take my reviews beyond those three main sites (Twitter, FB and Goodreads), I wanted to create a place where I could promote my love for books, give a shout out to talented authors and give other Bookaholic’s heads up on books that I have just read. (Read More)